HELPFUL RESOURCES
& REVIEWS
Why do we do what we do and why the same thing? Why do we buy from a certain store and not another? We all have habits, good and bad. The good news is that we can change them, and create new ones. The key is to understand how they exist in the first place.
Charles Duhigg successfully achieves this in “The Power of Habit” . Through his narratives, which streams from individual, community and organizational perspectives, he points us to the most important part of the book; learning to change behaviour by a) identifying the routine, b) figuring out the cue that triggers the routine and the craving underlying that cue, and c) by experimenting with different rewards.
“Habits aren’t destiny”… If you can figure out what you really want and substitute a better routine to satisfy that craving, you will be well on your way toward changing that habit. That doesn’t mean you won’t fall off the wagon, but it means you will be on your way to shaping your actions by your will as opposed to ingrained behaviours.
We are all creatures of habit and it’s really up to us to make the change….
Charles Duhigg successfully achieves this in “The Power of Habit” . Through his narratives, which streams from individual, community and organizational perspectives, he points us to the most important part of the book; learning to change behaviour by a) identifying the routine, b) figuring out the cue that triggers the routine and the craving underlying that cue, and c) by experimenting with different rewards.
“Habits aren’t destiny”… If you can figure out what you really want and substitute a better routine to satisfy that craving, you will be well on your way toward changing that habit. That doesn’t mean you won’t fall off the wagon, but it means you will be on your way to shaping your actions by your will as opposed to ingrained behaviours.
We are all creatures of habit and it’s really up to us to make the change….
Amy Cuddy truly captures the essence of Presence – rooted in Eastern notions of mindfulness – the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values and potential. This is not easy to do, but it emerges when we feel personally powerful. A moment to moment phenomenon – it comes and goes.
How can we acquire presence? Through self-nudges, small tweaks in our body language and mind sets, to allow the body to lead your mind – when we feel present, our speech, facial expressions, postures and movements align.
The key is relaxation. How to deal with your fears and be fully prepared for that job interview? When you have easier cognitive access to content (preparing job interview questions) this will free you from focusing on what you fear will happen to what’s actually happening. A prepared mind-set – What you will say – How you will say it
LISTENING is crucial to Presence – Suspend judgement, overcome your fear of silence and resist urge to preach. When you stop talking: people can trust you, you acquire useful information, you see other people as individuals and you develop solutions.
How can we acquire presence? Through self-nudges, small tweaks in our body language and mind sets, to allow the body to lead your mind – when we feel present, our speech, facial expressions, postures and movements align.
The key is relaxation. How to deal with your fears and be fully prepared for that job interview? When you have easier cognitive access to content (preparing job interview questions) this will free you from focusing on what you fear will happen to what’s actually happening. A prepared mind-set – What you will say – How you will say it
LISTENING is crucial to Presence – Suspend judgement, overcome your fear of silence and resist urge to preach. When you stop talking: people can trust you, you acquire useful information, you see other people as individuals and you develop solutions.
Stanier provides the reader with the essential components to build an effective new habit (reason, a trigger, a micro-habit, effective practice and a plan) in order to create the right coaching habit. The essential questions to develop a coaching habit are thoroughly explained; questions that create open doors inviting the coach in. A reiteration of the fact that the coach is not solving the problem and through powerful questioning focus will be on the real problem and not the first problem that comes up.
The author refers to Edgar Schein’s paradox of being helpful and how without realizing the implications of our actions, we encounter a mix of reactions from those we are trying to help i.e. resistance, frustration and disempowerment unless we temper our approach so that more often we are helpful in a way that actually helps. In reference to the Karpman Drama Triangle, we bounce around between three archetypal roles: victim, persecutor and rescuer. These are not descriptions of who we are but rather how we tend to behave in a given situation. We tend to have a favourite role that we default to more of the time. Seeing our patterns and understanding our triggers, will begin to help reshape a new habit. As coaches and leaders, we want to create opportunities for growth and for expanding the potential of those we are trying to work with. The critical message is the importance of recognizing ourselves and being aware of our actions; the first step to creating change, and an effective coaching habit.
The author refers to Edgar Schein’s paradox of being helpful and how without realizing the implications of our actions, we encounter a mix of reactions from those we are trying to help i.e. resistance, frustration and disempowerment unless we temper our approach so that more often we are helpful in a way that actually helps. In reference to the Karpman Drama Triangle, we bounce around between three archetypal roles: victim, persecutor and rescuer. These are not descriptions of who we are but rather how we tend to behave in a given situation. We tend to have a favourite role that we default to more of the time. Seeing our patterns and understanding our triggers, will begin to help reshape a new habit. As coaches and leaders, we want to create opportunities for growth and for expanding the potential of those we are trying to work with. The critical message is the importance of recognizing ourselves and being aware of our actions; the first step to creating change, and an effective coaching habit.
From an organizational perspective, it stems from you as the individual/ leader, to your groups/ teams and the organization. The coaching process begins with developing an understanding of your own Use of Self as a coach, OD Practitioner, leader or change agent and learning how to obtain the impact you seek in order to be successful. The conscious use of self is a mindset of continuous learning and it involves discovering, examining and updating our belief system, being engaged and connected to others. Triple Impact Coaching provides the reader with the triple impact model, practical exercises and examples that can be used in developing your own Use-of-Self. The premise here is that we have control of our choices, and we choose to either act or not. Several use-of-self concepts are presented (recognition of choices, reframing, power, feedback, supports and connections) that help in the development of your own Use-of Self coaching programs.
Understanding one-self is critical in any form of coaching. While the concepts described are not new, they are very helpful in allowing you to bring your best self in any situation. The more self-aware you are, the better you can be as a person, a coach, a leader.
Understanding one-self is critical in any form of coaching. While the concepts described are not new, they are very helpful in allowing you to bring your best self in any situation. The more self-aware you are, the better you can be as a person, a coach, a leader.
The Use-of-Self framework is a great addition to our thinking about how change agents “show up” and bring about transformation with their teams and organisations. This book is conceptually informed and practically rich for managers and leaders wanting to bring a more sophisticated and human centred approach to change. Highly recommended!
As someone who typically reads self-development or leadership development books somewhat begrudgingly, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed reading this book. The author writes in such a way that is informative, colorful, and even throws in some humor in the footnotes causing me to laugh out loud at times. She pulls from an extensive mix of existing research and her own self-awareness study and adds in a number of anecdotes from her own consulting practice, making for an interesting and educational book. I also love how Dr Eurich gives step by step instructions on how to implement her suggestions in team meetings, one-on-one feedback sessions, or during a moment of self-reflection. Too many books don’t give enough specifics to be able to do so. I plan on using much of this book when coaching leaders or giving feedback – I swear I dog-eared 1/3 of the pages! The appendix has a number of great tools to use as well. I’m already thinking about my own self-awareness differently and very thankful to have heard about this book.
Find Tania Here
- (514) 830-7538
- connect@taniachomyk.com
- Pointe-Claire, Quebec